What is it with these rich and famous people of both genders who at the age of 60, 70, 80 or 90 marry twenty-year-olds? Do they not realize that the younger person is just selling him or herself for money, comfort and a hope of a good inheritance? Do they never ask themselves if their spouse would have given them a second look if they were retired teachers, miners or janitors?
Or are they so cynical that they don't care and the realization that their young spouse cringes with disgust when forced to get into bed with them causes them no unpleasant feelings?
31 comments:
I suppose the youngsters should have the right to choose whom they wish to be with.
And I should have the right to express opinions about their choices. :-)
It isn't like I'm asking for such relationships to be outlawed or anything.
Do they never ask themselves if their spouse would have given them a second look if they were retired teachers, miners or janitors?
- One could say the same for many other things. Would your spouse want you if you weren't smart? Or kind? Or good looking? Or any other qualities that make you who you are? Choosing a partner is a complex decision involving a lot of factors that have to be weighed against one another. What's so terrible about thinking 'yeah, she/he may not have the taut body of a 22 year old but she/he's very smart/worldwise/experienced/etc, qualities that have enabled him to get to where he/she is today. So, it's not too bad.'
Stringer
So you think that money is a personal quality? That's kind of not very intelligent, buddy.
As for "smart/worldwise/experienced",
have you met many smart/worldwise/experienced 70 year-old janitors married to 20-year-old beauties?
Money doesn't just appear in a vacuum. It's more than likely a by-product of some quality one has, be it intelligence, drive, or streetsmarts, or some amazing talent. I wouldn't be surprised if an 18 year old model is attracted to a 50 year old Michael Jordan. Seriously, would you think it's weird?
And, no, I haven't met many smart 70 year janitors married to 20-year old beauties, but then I haven't met many smart 70 year old janitors in the first place.
Also, why do you think sex with old people is so disgusting?
Stringer
I was sure that the Pea Partier Don from Ohio left that comment. If I'd known it was you, Stringer, I'd have answered in a nicer way.
I just dislike the Tea Partiers intensely.
Sorry!
It makes me feel even worse now, knowing that my posts are indistinguishable from that of a stupid tea partier.
Look, I know what you're saying and I agree with the general sentiment. But I also feel that a lot of people achieve what they do because they couldn't get the women they desire just on the basis of their looks or maybe personality. So they have to do something special to get women to notice them. Sublimation?
Am I making sense?
Stringer
No, the posts just appeared one right after another, so I got confused. I'm tired, my friend.
I already wrote about thinking that you need to do something special to get liked and how that's not a good place to be.
Most of the rich people I have met in my life (and I've met a lot, which will be the topic of my next post) were rich because they inherited their money. Lots of people get super famous because of sheer luck.
Intelligence and drive are great qualities. Which, however, have nothing to do with sexual attraction. People don't have sex with intelligence or street smarts. They have sex with bodies. That's just how it is.
I'm sure there are people who are attracted to 80-year-old bodies. However, it's kind of suspicious when they are only attracted to such bodies when they come accompanied by a huge wallet.
I honestly don't see the difference between prostituting yourself to one person and prostituting yourself to many.
People don't have sex with intelligence or street smarts. They have sex with bodies. That's just how it is.
- Exactly. In which case why should one be criticized and guilt-tripped for having sex with bodies they find attractive (who happen to be beautiful 20 year old women)? Since they can't get women to have sex with them for their intelligence or personality, and if attraction is 100% physical then I'd say kudos to a 60 year guy who manages in whatever way to get laid with hot women.
Stringer
Surely not in WHATEVER way? How about a 60-year-old professor who intimidates and coerces an undergrad for sex? Or a company owner who chases after employees terrified of being fired?
So your answer is, then, that they are so cynical that they don't care how much their partners dislike having sex with them? It's just cynicism?
I'm sorry. By whatever way I meant whatever way that is not immoral/illegal/unethical. Yes, then, I guess it's just cynicism.
By the way, what would you recommend to a person who's unattractive but (obviously) wants to have sex with attractive people? Just give up?
Stringer
Once, a friend's acquaintance came to visit him at the office we shared. "So where is your famous friend Clarissa?" he asked. "Here she is," my friend replied, pointing at me. "But didn't you tell me she was pretty?" the acquaintance blurted out.
I don't think that there is such a thing as being attractive or unattractive to everybody. I think Brad Pitt is unattractive and Leonardo DiCaprio is so ugly as to look almost disfigured. Julia Roberts's ugliness almost makes my heart stop every time I see her. Different people find different things to be attractive or not.
As for wanting to have sex with some unidentified "attractive people" in general, this sounds like it isn't about genuine sexual desire but more about social prestige. You can't reasonably desire a group for sharing some imaginary characteristic.
That's a nice answer. I really wish I had your self-esteem. This is weird, but since I'm anonymous I may as well share that I don't think I'm a very good looking guy (my friends disagree, but that's another discussion). So, all my life I've been driven to excel in academics and sports, and whatever activity I do. And that's the only way I've found the confidence to even talk to women at parties. I feel like I'm making up for my lack of looks by overachieving in other aspects of my life. It has worked somewhat satisfactorily so far but when does this end? Ugh.
Stringer
My husband, who (as all my friends, colleagues and even my boss agree) is stunningly good looking, spent the first 31 years of his life absolutely convinced he was completely ugly. When we met and I started telling him he was beautiful, he at first responded very aggressively. He thought I was making fun of him.
Excelling in academics and sport is a great thing. However, it might be true that you are exaggerating your lack of attractiveness. I'm just sayin'.
Ha, I automatically snipe at anyone who dares to suggest that I'm good looking. Anyway, it was nice discussing this topic with you and thanks for your responses. I'm gonna read a book now.
Stringer
Late in this conversation, but let's branch out a bit, Clarissa: my last partner was several decades older than me, and earned wages below poverty level. He was exceptionally good looking when younger (and had pictures tp prove it :D), but naturally, age and uncertainties had taken their toll. Still, he had clear, summer-blue eyes and a heart-stopping smile. I couldn't help telling him all the time how absolutely attractive I found him, and he'd just smile this odd strained smile. Then one day he asked me if I really meant it, or was I simply being kind to an old, tired, ugly man. Turns out, women complementing their male partners on their looks is VERY unusual, and gets rare to the point of non-existent if the men in question are old or poor. Go figure!
Have you ever encountered this weird idea that men are never complemented on how lovely they appear to their partners?
Oh, and I should add here that I'm quite plain and plump to boot (massive sin in most parts of the world, looks-wise), but every time someone says I look good, I respond with a bright smile and 'thank you'. What bowls me over is the tendency of really attractive women, when told they look good, go, "It must be the light", or, "Yeah, sure [giggle]", or, "Seriously? Wow. Thanks" (these are all real responses I heard).
I mean, yes, one might have low self-esteem, but are responses like these also not considered rude? If I'm paying someone a public compliment, then surely the least I can expect is a polite acknowledgement of it without being soul-searched for the honesty of my compliment?
Rimi: you are so right. This is part of the legacy of the patriarchal system where female desire didn't matter, so male beauty didn't interest anybody in hetero relationships. Now female desire started to matter but the attitudes remain.
"If I'm paying someone a public compliment, then surely the least I can expect is a polite acknowledgement of it without being soul-searched for the honesty of my compliment?"
-I really loved this one. So true! It's like this self-deprecation has become the norm nowadays. And it's not just about looks. I congratulated a colleagues on publishing an article and immediately heard, "Oh, it's just a small piece and the journal is not that prestigious." Weird, this. Especially since I really enjoy telling people they've done good when it's the truth.
My first daughter when she was a teenager always responded to compliments on her appearance saying something like "Oh, I am so fat." I asked her why she did that instead of just thanking the complimenter with a smile. She said that that would have seemed stuck up. (She has and had the body of a ballet dancer.)
Ever since then, when I have gotten compliments on my looks (which has happened more as I have gotten older for some reason) I respond with something like "I know, but thank you for noticing."
Pagan Topologist, I must say, your picture reminds me of Richard Harris as Professor Dumbledore. You clearly have a very charming presence, so I'm not surprised you are complimented on it.
And your daughter's reasoning makes me think it is, yet again, a cultural divide. My church school was big on both modesty (i.e, not being stuck-up little snobs) and good manners. To thank someone for a compliment was never considered immodest, but to *not* thank the person was thought of as unbelievably rude.
I suppose the distinction we subconsciously make is that a compliment received is a kindness done to one. To acknowledge it does not mean one is gleefully agreeing to one's awesomeness, but making note of and appreciating someone else's niceness.
Rimi, I have been compared with both Dumbledore and Gandalf, by people who had read the respective books, but had never seen the movies.
Last week, I had six inches (15 cm) cut off my hair, so it is now just longer than shoulder length.
mall children often ask me if I am Santa Claus.
Make that "Small children..." Sorry.
Since you brought it up yourself, my husband (who is a great fan of Tolkien's books) exclaimed when he saw your picture, "Oh my God, you have Gandalf commenting on your blog!" :-) :-)
If I had time, I would so reread Tolkien.
Tolkien invented the modern heroic fantasy genre, building upon the epic poetry of earlier years. At least this is the commonly held belief among f/sf fen. I think there are people who have done it better than he since. I probably won't reread the books, but then I rarely reread books. There are too many that I want to read for the first time.
I am an african girl in my very early 20s and I find Pagan Topologist absolutely attractive. Now, if I were to date someone like him, no one would believe that the union could be based on sexual attraction.
I hope I haven't embarrassed him.
Not at all! Thank you. What a nice birthday present!
When is your birthday??
It was yesterday, the day that the comment above was posted! However, I have been telling everyone that the important birthday for me was December 25, since that was when my age reached 800 months. As of yesterday, April 25, it is 67 years or 804 months, a much more boring number!
Anonymous at 11:54,
I am curious how anyone could come to this conclusion about me based on my picture here. Have we met in person? I am really curious.
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