Sadly, a coherent feminist approach to sexuality hasn't yet been worked out. Dedicated feminists often slip into the most tired of patriarchal stereotypes when discussing sex. A great example is "Professor Foxy's Column" on Feministing. I have been reading the column for a while and my sense of bewilderment has been growing with every passing week. The only goal of this quasi-feminist author is to make women and female sexuality as convenient as possible and as available as possible for the consumption by the patriarchal system. Here are some shocking examples.
1. A woman has been married for 18 months but hasn't been able to have sex with her husband because of how uncomfortable and painful it is. This young couple was part of the "abstinence movement", so both of them were virgins on their wedding day. The expected feminist answer to this woman should be to suggest she figure out whether she desires this man physically at all. Without asking this crucial question, P. Foxy plunges into very detailed advice on where and how and by what means the husband should put 1, 2, 3 and up to 4 fingers into her vagina. The conclusion to this piece is absolutely mind-boggling: "Stop taking it so seriously and eventually, with the love that you clearly have, it will work. You've made a commitment to him and he to you and you have time to make this work and you can discover great things along the way." So, we need to come to a feminist blog to hear that "commitment" will guarantee good sex? That love and sex are the same thing? Who is P. Foxy kidding here? Of course, doing everything possible to fit female sexuality into the confines of a monogamous patriarchal marriage is an all-important goal. But aren't Conservative media offering enough advice of this caliber?
2. On faking orgasms, this "sex specialist" says: "This feminist is ok with the occasional faking. Our partners, regardless of gender, have egos. And many people have the desire to keep their partner's ego intact." In other words, female pleasure should be sacrificed for such an important thing as male ego. Congratulations, this is where centuries of feminism have led us. Let's suffer through unpleasant sex just so that our men don't discover that they are bad in bed. Their feelings might be hurt and we can't allow for that to happen.
3. A woman asks advice on how to talk to her 7-year-old son about sex. The response is couched in profoundly ideological terms: "You can describe it as something that two people do when they are older and when they care about each other (emphasis mine). He may very well be satisfied with this answer for the beginning. If he presses further, you can give more details: sex is when two people (you can say adult if you want) who care about each other are naked together and touch each other." Notice the insistence on caring about each other which consistently (twice within the same paragraph) tries to inculcate the idea that sex and emotions are somehow connected. Imagine what the poor guy raised in such a rhetoric will feel when he discovers that many of the women who sleep with him don't give a damn about him or his feelings. (I've met such men and, believe me, the picture isn't pretty.)
4. A woman asks how to inform her parents about her polyamorous relationship. P. Foxy suggests that she prepare herself to a third-degree interrogation where she will have to answer questions and field commentts like: "Honey, do you think you can't get a man who really loves you? He is getting his cake and eating it too. Darling, you know you aren't actually ok with that." The woman has to take into account that the parents "may need to end up explaining this to their friends as well" and as a result she needs to "answer their questions with patience." The idea that a woman does not have to justify her sex life to her parents - as well as to their circle of friends - does not even enter this "feminist's" reasoning.
In short, female pleasure should always take second (third, fourth, etc.) place to such all important things as commitment, emotions, husband, marriage, parents, male-egos, and even the parents' circle of friends.