It's always great to see how the feminist worldview becomes more and more acceptable and accepted in daily life. Last night, my boyfriend and went to a restaurant. There was a man there selling roses to the patrons. So I decided to show my affection for my boyfriend by buying him roses. He had given me flowers many times, so it made a lot of sense for me to do the same for him.
A great thing about the whole experience was that everybody reacted completely normally. My boyfriend reacted exactly the way I do when he gives me flowers: happy but as if it were a very natural thing to happen. The man who sold me the flowers, the waitress, the hostess, and the other patrons who observed this scene took it completely in their stride.
I hope that gendered understanding of the appropriate ways of showing affection for the person you love will soon disappear. It makes no sense that our gender should dictate the way we express ourselves in any setting, especially in a romantic one.
10 comments:
I never got flowers from a woman. Or a man.:-) It would be nice though.
what a great idea!!
I tried imagining how I would feel if my wife gave me flowers in public. To be honest I would be kind of embarrassed. So maybe it's not always a good idea until you are completely sure how the other person would react.
Why would you be embarrassed? What's so wrong with your wife showing you and the world that she loves you in this way? If you can give her flowers, why can't she do the same?
Nicely said and just plain nice, that people took it as normal.
Sharkfoo, it is a good idea to think of how people will react before you show them affection in public, but this goes both ways. i.e. women should think of how their partner would feel upon publicly receiving a display of affection such as roses and vice versa. :-)
What Clarissa is suggesting is that we should examine and eliminate "gendered understandings of appropriate ways of showing affection" And some women just aren't into public affection or flowers. And some men are.
Clarissa,
Maybe I am so much a feminist that my feminism has biased my perception of the society at large, but I believe it is acceptable in North America to present flowers to men at least on certain occasions.
Thus, I really would not expect the manager approaching your table and asking you to leave because such weird people are unwelcome in his respectable restaurant. :)
Trying to put myself in your boyfriend's shoes, I must admit I'd have a little tinge - "is it 100% an expression of your appreciation and love, or is it in part an experiment in feminism?"
But I know you less than he knows you, so I may easily be wrong. Sorry.
V.
Wow, there is a whole discussion here. :-)
Dinana: "And some women just aren't into public affection or flowers. And some men are."
-That's so true! People often think that because you are of a certain gender, they can rely on their preconcived notions of gender behavior to gauge your reactions. When a man and a woman order a salad and a steak, the waiter always puts the steak in front of the man and the salad in front of the woman. These preconceived notions are based on nothing real, of course.
" I really would not expect the manager approaching your table and asking you to leave because such weird people are unwelcome in his respectable restaurant."
-That wouldn't have happened, of course. Especially since we were paying customers. :-) But people sometimes look at you funny and snicker, for example when a woman tries to pay the bill at a restaurant. Somehow, the more expensive the restaurant, the more difficult it is to wrestle the bill away from the waiter. :-)
"I must admit I'd have a little tinge - "is it 100% an expression of your appreciation and love, or is it in part an experiment in feminism?"
But I know you less than he knows you"
-No, it's ok, he knows me real well by now. :-)
---But people sometimes look at you funny and snicker, for example when a woman tries to pay the bill at a restaurant. Somehow, the more expensive the restaurant, the more difficult it is to wrestle the bill away from the waiter. :-)
Sometimes if/when the waitress gets too focused on me, my wife pays the bill. :) :)
Did not notice any snickering though... Never...
V.
In a Spanish restaurant we visited last week, the waiter initiallly was super nice to me, mostly because I spoke Spanish to him and knew all the dishes. The second when he saw I was going to pay, he stopped speaking Spanish to me and became very official and aloof. :-)
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