It always feels very strange to discover how people perceive you. And how different it is from the way you perceive yourself. Recently, I discovered that the things that people noticed the most about me during my job intervew were:
1. That I'm obssessed with my BlackBerry. People say that I kept touching it and looking at it during the entire campus visit. I noticed today that it's true. I do keep looking at it all the time. Which is incredibly rude. And I had no idea I was doing it.
2. That I'm "nice, fun, and outgoing." That's really weird for me to hear about myself. I always think that I'm mean, boring, and the opposite of outgoing. (Can anybody help me out with an antonym for 'outgoing'? I've been teaching all day long and now I can't say anything in any language.) It is as shocking as reading in student evaluations that I'm "cheery, happy" and have "a sunny personality." I really prefer to see myself as dark, complex, mysterious, and tortured. And it turns out that other people see me as some kind of a cheerleader type. This is so weird.
7 comments:
I believe the term you're looking for is introverted.
Thank you, Veronica. That's a very nice way of putting it. :-)
But you're far from introverted. Introverts are kind of shy to interact with the world. That's far from who you are, and you should understand why we would see you as fun and outgoing. You have all your senses attuned to the world in order to respond to it. It's a good thing. :)
I like to think of myself as shy, reserved and removed, but nobody in my circle of friends ever agrees with me. Kola = Shy? Reserved? No friggin way, they say. :)
Thank you, Kola. As a person with autism, I find being attuned to the world a very tough challenge.
It's the difference between how you feel inside and how people see you that's so weird.
By the way, two of my best friends said their first impression of me was "scary." And the third said "a total drama queen." :-) :-)
A slightly better antonym for "outgoing" is "withdrawn."
Yes, 'withdrawn" is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you!
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