I don't look very professorial. When people ask me what I do and I respond, the most common reaction is: "Ha ha ha! That's a good one. No, seriously, what do you do?" Once, I came back home to visit my parents. My mother always tells all of her friends about her talented and accomplished daughters. So during my visit she took us to a store where many of her friends hang out. There, we encountered a friend of hers and the following conversation took place:
My mother: I'm so happy, my daughter came to visit me from the US.
Friend: The one who is getting a PhD from Yale?
My mother: Yes!
Friend (turning to my sister): Hi, so nice to meet you! I heard so much about you!
My sister (pointing to me): No, she's the one who goes to Yale.
Friend (turning to me with a look of utter disbelief): YOU go to Yale??
Me: Yes.
Friend: YOU are getting a PhD???
Me (feeling very uncomfortable at this point): Yes.
Friend (visibly perplexed): Huh!
Men, in particular, are often extremely condescending when they first meet me. Many men (even men I've never seen before) can never conquer the temptation to call me baby, sweetie, or honey. Since I don't really feel like a strange guy's baby or sweetie, I get very annoyed. So I elaborated a series of techniques that are meant to stop this kind of thing.
One of my techniques is called "Little Angel Technique." If you are a woman, you probably know that asking people to stop calling you "honey" often provokes the "oh-stop-being-so-uptight-response." This is what gave me the idea of the "Little Angel Technique." I had a chance to put it in practice the other day with a cab driver who kept treating me disrespectfully.
The driver (playfully while ogling me in the rearview mirror): Hello, baby! And where should I take the pretty lady on this great day?
Me: Corner of Madison and Charles.
The driver: You got it, honey.
Me: Thank you, little angel.
The driver (after a pause): Erm, what did you say, sweetie?
Me: I said thank you, little angel.
The driver (shifting around uncomfortably): I just... I mean... why did you call me... that?
Me (playfully): Oh please, no need to be so uptight.
Silence. We arrive at our destination.
The driver (in a very tense voice): It will be $4.50, Ma'am. Thank you, Ma'am. Have a nice day.
Just asking people not to address you in this way often fails to work. This is only one of the techniques I use to stop this kind of thing. I will keep sharing them and if somebody wants to share their own, you are welcome.
6 comments:
A-a-a!!! That was good...
Maybe because I have seen enough female professors in my life, it did not occur to me that you do not look "professorial enough"...
But I understand very well how you feel. You know I do not look professorial either. In part because I do not look my age... On top of people not believing I am a professor, nobody believes I am my daughter's father... And I am not bragging here, because it is really annoying, especially because gender stereotypes do not support men looking younger than their age...
V.
I've had people I don't know pinch my cheeks, make cooing sounds at me in public, and say things like "Ooooh, aren't you cute, in your little dress and all." One of my professors routinely introduced me to other professors and even to the Dean as "our Russian beauty." Not only am I not Russian (which he knew), I didn't join that department in the capacity of "a beauty" but rather as an esteemed colleague.
"On top of people not believing I am a professor, nobody believes I am my daughter's father... And I am not bragging here, because it is really annoying"
-I also thought your daughter couldn't be older than 5 when I met you. I hope I wasn't offensive about that.
"because gender stereotypes do not support men looking younger than their age..."
-I don't know, I've met many men who are worried about getting older and even conceal their age.
I TOLD YOU ,MAN, YOU GOTTA WRITE BOOKS (NON-ACADEMIC I MEAN). THESE POSTS WITH REAL-LIFE STORIES ARE REALLY COOL, I LOVE 'EM, THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH.
Delightful, Clarissa! I love great put-downs, and that's one of the best I've heard.
I was always cursed to look much younger than I really was (I don't look at it that way now, of course). Once when I was a 22-year-old attack helicopter pilot (and undoubtedly very full of myself) we had an inspection to mark the arrival of a new commanding officer. It was one of those relatively rare occasions when officers also stood in formation. The new CO came down the line greeting each officer, and when he got to me, he said, "Who are you, the company mascot?" I probably looked about 16, but still.... Needless to say, that made life among my comrades miserable for a long time.
---I hope I wasn't offensive about that.
Do not worry. I learned to deal with it long ago...
--I've met many men who are worried about getting older and even conceal their age.
Maybe when I am 50, I will prefer to look 40... But at this moment I would prefer to look 37... :)
V.
I don't think it's because I look "young", though. My sister is much younger and she gets more respect. I think it's because I'm blond. And I also look very Russian.
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