Whenever I mention the word "Russia" on my blog in any context whatsoever, I immediately get these disgusting ads placed on my site by Google AdSense that advertise mail-order brides. I have already written about these sites and the way women on them present themselves and their expectations. This time, I decided to go on one of these sites** to look at what type of man (i.e. sorry loser) would try to find a woman in this degrading manner. (Of course, this is a vicious circle because this very post I am writing will bring more of this advertisement to my blog.)
This is the way in which the creators of the website answer the question why a man should use a catalogue of Russian women in order to find a wife:
Think a Russian woman is no different from any other? Think again! Russian women possess a certain indescribable quality you just can't find around the block. This unique attribute can be likened to a softness of character so personified, you'd swear it's all an act. Gentlemen, this is no act! A Russian woman is what every man wants a true woman to be. She's tender and not afraid to reveal her weaknesses. She realizes that she needs her partner's support, and for her, that's OK! She's not looking to compete with you, but rather to love you and be loved by you, nothing more. Isn't that everything a relationship is supposed to be?
First of all, it is obvious why the disgusting jerks who are attracted by this kind of advertisement will never find a woman who will actually like them and not just tolerate them for money and a green card. Second, I feel profoundly sorry for these idiots who are looking for a "weak" and "soft" woman in Russia of all places. Boy, are they in for a surprise. It makes me happy to imagine how all these freaks marry Russian women believing that they got themselves a sad, weak and submissive little slave and end up discovering that they are not and can never be a match for the strength of personality that these women possess.
The website in question is so stupid that it even tries to convince the ugly bride-seekers that Russian women are so weird that they don't care if the man they are with is butt-ugly:
Many men assume that all women are overly concerned with a man's appearance and how much money he makes? Sure, some are, but we know from experience that most Russian women aren't. In general, Russian women do not place undue importance on their partner's appearance or how deep his pockets are. They love their men for who they are on the inside and what they can bring to the relationship, not what they look like on the outside or how much money is in their bank accounts.
So what do you have to offer one of our ladies? Not quite sure? Well, are you prepared to be completely honest in your relationship, providing your full support whenever it may be needed? If so, you've already got what it takes to make one Russian woman very happy.
Observe the clumsy attempt to convince these men that mail-order brides are not after their money while introducing the contradicting idea about "providing full support." It's as if they were saying, "we know it's all about material gain for these women. Otherwise, why would they waste themselves on a sorry loser who is so ugly that no woman from his own culture has shown any interest in him? But it hurts us to think that nobody wants us except for our wallets, so let's pretend that it isn't true."
** Once again, I am not linking to this site in order to avoid promoting this hateful practice.
24 comments:
Wait, Clarissa, after all in your statement of a question discrimination is put. Precisely same catalogue of the American grooms is offered to the Russian women. Why you think,that Americans buy Russian brides, instead of Russian women buy the American grooms. And it can be simple one of ways to meet, after all correspondence acquaintances gain the increasing distribution.
NataliaV
Natalia, I agree -- I don't understand the problem here.
As an American man, I've often advised other men to go overseas to meet women with more realistic expectations than American women tend to have. It's a good strategy if you're looking to meet the best partner possible -- and who isn't? Anyone who says they are not is just plain lying.
And I say that as a man in a 3.5 year relationship with an American woman, so it's not like I have a problem meeting women. Never have, and never will.
I see this sort of bigotry against American men wishing to meet someone a bit better than they can in America, and I just don't understand it.
Sure, if it's exploitative, it's bad, but most of the time this just looks like jealousy or some similar emotion (hard to say, I've never felt jealousy, so it's difficult for me to identify).
But all the time I see women here complaining about, "How dare he meet someone from overseas! He's evil!" And I just do not get it.
Seems like more of a reaction to the implicit rejection than anything else.
So, American men, if you want to meet women who don't expect you to look like a male model while making $200,000 a year with a Porsche -- as many, many do, alas -- go overseas and you'll have better luck.
And I would say I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I'm not.
-Mike
Як співається у популярній російській пісні:
"Женское счастье - был-бы милый рядом,
Ну а больше ничего не надо..."
Як би там не було, а російські/українські жінки йдуть на це добровільно. Так вже склалося, що в цих країнах жінок більше від чоловіків. При цьому, від загального числа чоловіків в Росії та Україні, які можуть створити сім"ю, також слід відняти хворих на алкоголізм, асоціальних і неуспішних т. п. Тож не дивно стає, що значна кількість жінок не можуть знайти сімейного щастя. Я особисто знаю декого з професорсько-викладацького складу нашого ВУЗУ, які користуються таким способом для пошуку свого щастя.
Хоча слід визнати, що більшість таких жінок становлять все-ж, жінки, з долею, добре змальованою у радянському кінофільмі "Интердевочка" ( http://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%98%D0%BD%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%B2%D0%BE%D1%87%D0%BA%D0%B0 ) .
Хоча, я й не люблю цього фільму, але все ж, він дещо розкриває суть того явища про яке Ви тут пишете.
"As an American man, I've often advised other men to go overseas to meet women with more realistic expectations than American women tend to have. "
-I'm sorry but these are women from a different culture. You can't know about their expectations. I promise to you that you would be pretty shocked if you knew what those expectations actually are.
"I see this sort of bigotry against American men wishing to meet someone a bit better than they can in America"
-a) not to meet but to buy.
b) "better"?? Maybe they should ask themselves why these "better" women from their own culture do not want them. What suddenly makes them desirable to "better" eastern European women? The answer is: money and a green card. Of course, they want to lie to themselves and believe that these women want them for some other reasons as well. But it is not true. It just simply isn't.
"So, American men, if you want to meet women who don't expect you to look like a male model while making $200,000 a year with a Porsche -- as many, many do, alas -- go overseas and you'll have better luck."
-You are so wrong, Mike. The ONLY kind of women you see in the catalogues is precisely what you have described. They use the loser who brings them to the US as a starting point to look for a guy with a Porsche and $500 000. Maybe you don't know, but in my Russian-speaking community the salary you mentioned - $200 000 - is actually considered shameful and pathetic.
This is the prooblem with approaching a ccommunity you know nothing about. You try to judge people with your own standards and always encounter a huge disappointment.
Natalia, I already wrote about this from the perspective of women. Now, I looked at the issue from the side of men.
Of course, this is a financial transaction for both sides. And men who think there is anything else to it are losers and idiots.
No wonder they can't find a woman to sleep with them for free anywhere in the world.
Богдане, так, жинки йдуть на це добровильно, але ж це не виключае того, щщо ци американски чоловики лузери. :-)
Clarissa, I've lived in various places in the world besides the US -- Egypt and China among them -- and I don't think expectations and cultural edifices are as impregnable as you make them seem. People are mostly the same everywhere, in my experience, beyond some superficial differences.
Regardless, if both parties in the "deal" get what they want out of the transaction, I don't see the problem -- and I'd say the same thing if it were women picking men out of catalogs.
I know that if I had to do over again, I'd probably go to Israel or to China to meet women -- far more approachable there, and less full of odd expectations that almost no actually extant man can meet.
-Mike
Also, note that I think using these sort of sites is a terrible way to meet women, especially interesting, intelligent, potential-partner "foreign" women.
Going to the country and just hanging out is the best way, and what I advise. Just to clear that up.
Note: I did not go to China or Egypt or Israel or Kazakhstan or Uzbekistan or any other of the places I've been to meet women. I went because I wanted to see those places.
-Mike
I don't know what high "expectations" of American women you are talking about. Since you keep mentioning them, it is obvious that there is some deeply personal issue here and I don't want to intrude.
I agree that there is no problem here. I wasn't describing a problem. I was just stating a fact that American men go to Russia in a search of women who will accept them as they are, want less from them, love them, and be complacent and passive. What they encounter is the exact opposite. There is nobody more aggressive, less "nice", less complacent, less "passive" than a Russian speaking woman. There is no woman in the world with a longer list of expectations. (And I'm saying it as a Russian speaking woman.) If you want, I can tell you why it is that way. But looking for passive women in Russia is like looking for snow in the Dominican republic. It just doesn't happen.
That's why I say these men are losers. It's like if someone told you: "Mike, I'm dying to see the dolphins, so I bought a ticket to the Sahara desert." What would you think of that person? :-)
I don't have any personal issues with "expectations," just observations I've made over the years and reading personals ads, etc. There's nothing to intrude on. I couldn't care less what most American women expect, other than to note it and to stay away from them. Of course, I make it my job to stay away from most people, so that's no real difference for me.
I've never lived in Russia, so I can't speak much to the expectations there, though your experiences certainly are inarguable.
In my experience, though, the best place to meet very intelligent, driven yet not completely-materially-minded women is China. Israel, at least the non-fundie parts, is a close second.
Ever if I were traveling to meet women, it'd never occur to me to visit Russia, as I can't stand cold (not that it's cold there all the time, but....).
But that American men want to get away from the unrealistic expectations of American women is no real shocker -- and of course, American men have their own unrealistic expectations, mostly related to physical appearance.
So yet another reason I am an anti-social bastard.
-Mike
Also, I should say that I probably over-reacted to your post, because I get so tired of the drumbeat on many American feminist sites (where I spend most of my time, so I see it a lot) that mainly consists of:
1) Any man who dares to date a foreign woman, no matter how they met, is exploiting her and is evil, evil, evil.
2) Any man who dates a younger woman (as I myself am doing) is evil, evil, evil.
3) Any man who dates a colleague is evil, evil, evil.
That stuff has made my brain go a little into aggressive rhetorical attack mode, and it's becoming pervasive in parts of the feminist blogosphere.
-Mike
20 years ago, certainly it was the transaction. But now time has exchanged, I think. I am not much more senior you, but these four years were critical in our country, and in days of my youth the marriage was unique chance to be pulled out abroad, other ways have been closed. You can be remember, what even we could not go to a tourist trip further the countries of socialist camp. For many of us freedom statue was not simply freedom symbol, and the purpose to which we aspired. And in those days, placing the data in the catalogue we were really ready on all for the sake of a green card. Those times have left also we can leave freely there where we want at any time, any more the American husbands for this purpose are not necessary to us. And now, probably that at the Russian women placing the data in catalogues absolutely other motives.
NataliaV
Larissa,
How much will you make from the huge "Russian Love Match" ad you are running on your site? It's all about money, right?
Mike, as it is a pity that you do not know Russian, I would advise such Russian forum to you, Clarissa knows, there you precisely were evil-evil, well very evil :)
NataliaV
Богдане, я згодна з Ларисою, але не вважаю американців ідіотами. Вони не знають радянської, української і російської реальності і не знають менталітету російських жінок, ось і отримують кота в мішку, хоча є і вдалі пари.
НаталияВ
"жинки йдуть на це добровильно, але ж це не виключае того, щщо ци американски чоловики лузери. :-)"
Ну навіщо так...Ви ж не вважаєте переселенців до Америки лузерами, лише через те, що вони не змогли знайти себе в тому соціумі, де народилися, і втекли до іншого...Так і вони...
" я згодна з Ларисою, але не вважаю американців ідіотами. Вони не знають радянської, української і російської реальності і не знають менталітету російських жінок, ось і отримують кота в мішку, хоча є і вдалі пари."
Дещо почитавши блог, мені видається, що важко живеться американським чоловікам. :) І я їм дещо співчуваю :) та до певної мірі розумію Майка. Просто не у той спосіб вони намагаються вирішити свої проблеми. Шлюбні агенства - тут не помічники.
'But that American men want to get away from the unrealistic expectations of American women is no real shocker "
-It just makes me laugh to think about the disappointment the pool losers will experience the second when they bring an Eastern European woman over. Serves them well, too. :-)
"How much will you make from the huge "Russian Love Match" ad you are running on your site? It's all about money, right?"
I don't choose these ads. Google AdSense places them here which you would know if you read the post.
The idea that anybody can make money this way is preposterous.
I wonder what got you so riled up. Are you a proud customer of such a bride catalogue?
Natalia, you speak Ukrainian as well?
WOW! This is amazing.
Actually, I well speak only in Macedonian language. In an Ukrainian language I am not able to SPEAK almost. I can write and read. We in Kiev conducted some years building both all documentation and contracts were in an Ukrainian language so that it was necessary to learn.
NataliaV
Наталія, Клариса права, пишите ви українською чудово!
Mike,
200,000? Come on... The average income in the US is something like 40+ K/year... Thus, the vast majority of the American women are marrying American men who earn significantly less than 200,000. It must be something else...
Clarissa,
And, to be honest, that part of Russian community which considers 500,000 a pathetic amount does exist, but it is a very specific part of the community, a clear minority (the last time I met some people like that was in 2003) and its attitudes should not be extrapolated to all Russians. But of course, a marriage agency catalogue is the place where it is most likely to meet such people. :)
Clarissa,
Looks like you have a comment here
http://www.sincere-russian-brides.com/russian-women-blog/clarissa-and-russian-mail-order-brides/
Oh, wow, I'm famous. :-)
Thank you for the link. The person who comments on my post is beyond misguided. he thinks I made money on these mail-order ads. Apparently, he is too dense to realize that most of my regular visitors are professors, intellectuals, and professionals. That is, people completely unlikely to hit the ad for women for sale. In fact, I was the only person from this blog to follow that link. Which, of course, made me no money. :-)
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