Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Why Nobody Wants a "Nice Guy"

I just discovered a really great post aimed at explaining to the so-called "nice guys" the reasons why nobody really wants them:
There are any number of geek guys running around out there without the love and companionship that many people and all golden retrievers deserve. Sometimes these guys sit down and try to figure out why they’re living a life devoid of love, romance, sex and discussions about whose hair it is in the shower drain. They undertake a deep self-assessment, questioning all their long-cherished beliefs about themselves, and this is what they conclude: They’re too nice. And that’s hilarious!  Guys, you’re not “too nice.” That’s like saying you can’t get seated at an L.A. restaurant because you’re too famous.
A post that begins like this is bound to be hilarious. And it sure is. Read the reast of this great post here.


Anonymous said...

I 95% agree with this, but the problem with narratives like this is that it:

1) Demonizes (as if they need it any more than it already occurs) the socially awkward of both sexes, for no reason other than that they are socially awkward. I didn't note much of it in this article specifically, but most of these sort of rants (and I've read hundreds about Nice Guys) amounts to little more than casting aspersions on the less-than-suave.

2) Women and men often desire people who are objectively bad for them. It seems verboten to point it out when women want the drug-addled felonious loser because he rides a motorcycle ( as my sister did).

That said, even though folks will gloss right over this, I agree with the rant 95% and all other such rants I've read.

I guess I just have sympathy of sorts for Nice Guys, because I could've certainly turned out that way. I can see how easy it is to get there when you are socially awkward, basically a good person, and you watch women who you respect date men who treat them terribly because they are the men who had the courage and gumption to actually ask them out (which you would have no idea how to do).

BTW, I'm not socially awkward, just an introvert, an extreme one at that -- so it takes a lot of energy for me to talk to someone for an hour, even if I like them.


Clarissa said...

I think this isn't so much about the socially awkward as it is about a) some people's sense of entitlement and b) a weird desire to generalize about "all women" on the basis of a couple of experiences.

There is hardly anybody in the world who hasn't been rejected by the person they liked but most people are mature enough to recognize that sometimes a person just simply isn't attracted to you. These so-called "nice guys", though, keep trying to create some generalized ideological conclusions on the basis of their limited personal experiences. More often than not, these generalizations are very offensive and sexist.