Who could have known that otolaryngologists are such a happening bunch? First, I called my regular doctor and tried setting up an appointment. The secretary kept mumbling that the doctor wasn't there and seemed weirdly reluctant to answer my question as to when the doctor was coming back. Since then I discovered that the doctor had been arrested for Medicare fraud, so the right answer as to when he was coming back was probably, "Oh, he'll be back in five to fifteen, right after he serves out his sentence. Will your ailment keep till then?"
My ailment couldn't keep, so I went to another doctor who practices in the same building complex. Of course, all that doctor wanted to do was gossip about his colleague who'd been arrested.
"He is a nasty guy," the new doctor told me. "I never say mean things about colleagues, except for this guy. He also puts tubes into people. Did he put anything in you?"
"No," I said, feeling very fortunate to have escaped the sad fate of having things put in me.
"So," the doctor said while glancing at my papers that listed my university as the provider of the medical insurance I was using for the visit. "Does your Mommy work for the university?"
"No," I said, while suffering shooting pains in my ear. "I work for the university."
The doctor looked at me in a way condescending adults look at precocious children and drawled,
"Really? And what do you do for the university?"
"I teach Spanish literature," I responded, losing all hope of ever being taken seriously.
"And what would your date of birth be again?" the doctor asked in a kindly tone.
Since speaking was very painful, I let him scan my papers on his own.
"Oh," the doctor said. "Huh. OK, ma'am, I will now give you a prescription for some medication and we will be done here."
The ear drops I got are very good and I feel much better already.