My husband and I will be turning 35 within the next few weeks. So tonight at dinner we started discussing how we felt about it. In spite of the common belief that everybody should bemoan getting older and want to stay young forever, we agreed that neither of us would like to go back to the age of, say, twenty for anything in the world.
Fifteen years ago I was plagued by all kinds of insecurities (and who isn't at that age?). I felt unattractive and fat, even though I weighed less than I do now. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. I was in a marriage that wasn't making me happy for the simple reason that I had no idea what I needed to be happy in a relationship. I often spent time with people I neither liked nor needed because I did not have the skills that would allow me to be in charge of my social life. Asperger's wasn't a word I knew. I just felt that something was wrong and broken about me and it had to be concealed at all costs. I was stupid and anti-intellectual and proud to be so. I still remember my passionate diatribes as to how philosophy was a total waste of time and learning Latin completely useless because it wasn't going to help me make money. Sexually, most people are profoundly miserable at that age because they have no mechanisms that allow them to choose the partners they really want as opposed to the partners who are available.
So if there has been such a dramatic improvement in how I feel about myself and about my life over the past 15 years, then the next couple of decades are likely to bring about a similar improvement. This is why I believe that age should be celebrated rather than bemoaned.
The only people who are genuinely happier at 20 than at 35 are, in my opinion, children of millionaires. While at twenty it is very cool to do nothing but spend the family money, when you are in your mid-thirties it becomes unprestigious and shameful.
6 comments:
So if there has been such a dramatic improvement in how I feel about myself and about my life over the past 15 years, then the next couple of decades are likely to bring about a similar improvement. This is why I believe that age should be celebrated rather than bemoaned.
This is almost certainly true. I did not realize it until I was in my 50's.
I had a friend who almost committed suicide when he turned 30. He had a PhD from Penn, a tenure-track job at an Ivy, tons of friends, fantastic hobbies, a lovely girlfriend who adored him. But the very figure "30" was so daunting to him that he seriously considered taking his life. "Because what's the point to live when you are old?" he said.
I never felt that. I suppose I was lucky that as a child I knew some very energetic and fun people (all men, as it happens) over the age of 90.
I try to take this attitude. But I'm also scared of the future. I worry constantly about either ending up a hapless post-doc, entering a career I hate which provides no fulfilment, or being unemployable. It's nothing to do with the prospect of getting old, it's mostly my fright at the uncertainty of the future. I hope as I get older, it will fade. :-)
I really know how you feel. I've been there too and it's extremely tough. I truly hope you will find work fulfillment!!
I will be 30 this summer, and I can't wait. I too would never go back to 20, and I expect 35 and everything after will be even better! As I told my brother earlier this year when he was worrying about gettting "old" (at 25), thus far, my life, like fine wine, has improved with each year.
Post a Comment