Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Real Angry American Woman

My penultimate post was graced by the funniest nasty comment this blog has received so far. It was so good that I simply had to dedicate an entire post to it. A commenter who calls herself A Real American Woman left this hilarious outburst as a response to my post:
Quit acting like you're American. You were not born here. You came from some shitty country and are trying to act like you know everything about us. You are NOT American.

Kindly go fuck yourself.

 First of all, I have to say it is really sad that some Real American Women are so hung up on the idea of fucking themselves. I can see, however, why nobody would want to fuck somebody with such a nice personality and why she would be reduced to obsessing over fucking herself. As somebody who is evidently very familiar with the process of fucking herself, she is trying to spread the joy of it and goes from one blog to another advising people on this interesting pastime.

Another curious thing is that this individual asks me to "quit acting like I am American." This is a little weird since I don't think she ever saw me and could judge how I act. I am very curious how acting like you're American would look like. I kind of hope that "real Americans" are not all like this angry person because that would be way too sad.

The main goal of this comment seems to be to inform me that I was not born in the US. Does this person suspect me of not knowing where I was born? Is she hoping to enlighten me with some new and interesting knowledge on the subject of my place of birth? Does she believe that not being born in the US is some sort of a shameful fact that people might want to conceal? Is she trying to reveal this fact of my life believing that I somehow try to conceal it?

The great news, however, is that most "real American women" (and men, for that matter) are nothing like this sad, angry person who has nothing of any value to contribute to a discussion and just spouts her venom all over other people's blogs..


V said...

She wanted to say that only "real American" (whatever that means, maybe just American-born, maybe descendants of the Mayflower people) are entitled to express opinions about how things should function in the US, including how the US should be called, in plural or in singular.

Anonymous said...

How to act like an American:

1) Don't believe in global warming. Drive a huge SUV everywhere, convinced that what you are doing is patriotic and just. Also, try to run over pedestrians and cyclists when you can.

2) Don't believe in evolution, and wonder why your kid is failing all his or her science classes and can't get into a university.

3) Display extreme ignorance that other countries exist, or that anyone can live any other way than how we do here.

4) Be deathly afraid of sex and sexuality.

5) Love violence.

This list could be much longer, but I'll stop there as this will give you and anyone a good pathway to start acting like a real American.


Clarissa said...

One of my closest and most beloved friends ever is an actual descendant of the Mayflower people. And she would never ever ever say or even think anything like this.

Mike: what a fantastic list!!! I loved it. :-) I don't think that I can be a "real American", though. The things you list are way too difficult for me to accomplish. :-)
However, something tells me that you can do none of these things either. So we might both be equally un-American.

Anonymous said...

These jerks give a bad name to all Americans.

Natalee said...

I wonder what's the point of leaving a comment like this. What reaction did this person expect? (And I don't think it was a woman, it must be some nasty old loser.)

A Real American Woman said...

My goal was to get a blog entry made about me and I succeeded:)

I'm not really and woman and am an old man? You're saying women can't say what they feel on the internet and only a man can? It sounds like you're a 9 year old with down syndrome.

Clarissa said...

I'm glad I could make you happy. You obviously have very few nice emotions in your life, so welcome. :-)

Before you say idiotic things about people with Down's syndrome, I suggest you at least meet some. Otherwise, your 'Americanness' is getting less and less attractive as we speak.

Natalee said...

To Real American:

I don't think anybody but an embittered old jerk could sound as nasty as you do. And it seems that you find having Downs Syndrome to be another offensive thing. For your information, it is not. There is nothing offensive or horrible about having Downs. You show your hatred and rage in every word you write. I feel genuinely sorry for you.

Clarissa said...

This person is so so deprived that s/he needs to feel superior about something, Natalee. First, it was being born in the US. Now it is not having Down's syndrome. Both these things aren't any kind of an accomplishment, of course. They are just something that happens (or not) to you, and you have no control over them.

It takes a very miserable person to be proud of such things. It means that s/he has accomplished nothing in their life to be proud of. When the biggest thing you have ever done is to be born in a certain place or a certain way, it means that your whole life since the moment of being born - in that place and in that way - has been a huge waste.

Anonymous said...

Well-said, Clarissa. I couldn't agree more.

A Real American Woman said...


Yes, only a man can be one. Women can't do anything, only men can. The patriarchy still burns strong.

A Real American Woman said...

If deciding a woman's gender on the internet is your thing, then I'd suggest you take out "feminist" and "social life" out of your vocabulary:)