Thursday, March 3, 2011

"Gratification Disorder"

Reader Marina wrote the following comment to one of my posts:
There is little worse than these crazy mothers who have little else to do in their lives than to creep all over their children's lives, post countless pictures of them all over the net and inform the whole planet of every time the babies poop, have a fever or do something menial. I sometimes almost feel it should be illegal. Here is something else that blows your mind. As you know, some children start to masturbate as early as their toddler years. Well, guess what? Turns out it is a disorder with an actual 'scientific' name attached to it - Gratification Disorder! Get it? Gratification is a disorder! So, as I was trying to find some info about it online, I came across a psycho stay at home (of course) mother's blog, whose daughter has such disorder. Well, the crazy observes her daughter like a hawk and documents it all in the blog (!!!!
At first, I  didn't believe that this was possible. But then I checked out the link, and it's all true. There are psycho quack "doctors" who diagnose what is a completely normal behavior in a child as a "disorder." Being gratified is a disease for them, so you can imagine the quality of these "medical professionals." There are also insane parents with no life of their own who - instead of trying to achieve an orgasm of their own for a change - engage in creepy voyeurism of their masturbating children. And then post detailed accounts of it online.

I'm rarely rendered speechless but in this instance I was. Are there any social services in this country at all? If this is not an occasion when they feel they need to interfere and prevent such an egregious instance of abuse, then I don't know what their mission is. This mother is literally trampling the poor child's sexuality into the ground. Imagine the host of medical and psychological problems the kid will experience when she grows up. 

Is anybody still wondering why there are so many adults who are incapable of experiencing sexual gratification? 


Pagan Topologist said...

Sadly, this does not surprise me. When I was a child, we were told by adults that masturbation (although this word was not used) would result in all sorts of health problems, notably blindness. One common joke said "Can I just do it until I need glasses?"

It became more and more absurd; some boys said that it would make you grow hair on the palms of your hands.

When I was a parent of a child back in the 1960's, books about parenting said things like "don't make an issue of masturbation; if you see your baby touching his or her genitals, just matter-of-factly push their hands away and distract them with something else.

Pagan Topologist said...

I neglected to mention that one boy a year or two older than I told me when I was about thirteen years old that once he stopped masturbating, he was able to get his acne under control and ultimately cure it.

el said...

Masturbation is completely normal, but I am unsure I can 100% agree with your analysis. Look what the mother writes here:

She cries ( not the grunts / grimaces associated with this ) actual little cries when she’s trying SO hard to stop to get to her favorite toys or to the car for a special trip and just can’t make it without this interfering. This is when it REALLY doesn’t look enjoyable. Instead it looks uncontrollable!

There are days when it interferes with everything i.e playtime, mealtime, socializing, etc. Her whole life is effected every day. ... if meals are being skipped or playtime with peers doesn’t really produce anything pertaining to social / motor skills because she’s too busy dealing with this urge – Then how does it not interfere with her future development?

Sexual desire is normal, but
is not. American society can be quite anti-sexual desire AND sexual compulsivity can exist. There is no contradiction, except sometimes labeling still normal behaviors as diseased. It's the same difference as between enjoying good wine and being in AA since you can't stop drinking and it destroys your life. If you agree people become addicted to alcohol, drugs, smoking, video-games, why can't you at least consider the possibility there can be sex addicts too?

Clarissa said...

The Mommy should stop watching and judging what's enjoyable to other people and go enjoy her own body instead. There is NO justification for this horrible abuse.

In terms of addictions, it is common knowledge that the only way to cure any addiction is if the addict herself decides she wants to get cured. An alcoholic needs to get his own ass to AA meetings. Nothing else will help. If an alcoholic's relative starts observing every detail of his addiction, recording it and blogging about it, that will be of no help to the addict. So if this even were an addiction (which it is not), the crazy mother's actions still make absolutely no sense whatsoever. It's up to each person to decide how to handle their own sexuality.

Clarissa said...

I wonder, if there is an addiction to sex, is there also an addiction to breathing? Which is just as normal of an activity.

el said...

Why I disagree:

- Breathing 100% of time is natural & healthy. Being unable to play and eat(!) because of sexual urges can't be normal.

- The child doesn't seem to enjoy it, but cries(!) when she can't stop. Suits what I read about the difference between healthy, pleasure oriented sexuality & sex addiction: namely, the latter don't even enjoy it, but just can't stop. Like in drugs - first one enjoys, then avoids pain.

- The girl seems to have decided "she wants to get cured", thus the crying when she fails. She just has a great difficulty, like many addicts. Encouragement and support from relatives are very needed even for adults and her mother tries to do everything to help her.

- Her mother is greatly suffering now, even if you think she's wrong. She sees her small child crying, knows other children don't behave thus (including the masturbating & "playing doctor" kids). Blogging helps her to preserve her sanity, create a support group for other such parents. She also hopes to find more medical information, some way
to help her child.

Rimi said...

I judge realising I will be judged in turn, and this is fine by me.

I think sexual addiction is utter bunkum. There is no permanent/long-term chemical alternation to the brain made by having sex often, which is the basic requirement, in layman terms, for an addiction to happen. Unless, of course, one classifies sexual satisfaction as a damaging temporary change to the body.

So, logically, there can be no such thing as sexual addiction, unless one is employing a logic rooted in a culture that has redirected overt puritanism and discomfort with the body to medical channels. One very conveniently forgets that doctors and scientists -- even the more self-aware ones -- are products of certain ideological milieu, and these ideologies will reflect in their thought.

One tends to also forget that not too far back, the same template of pathologising the unwanted/feared claimed the tendency of slaves to run away was an affliction. The medical cure was to chop off toes or entire feet. A good piece of history to remember under the circs, I think.

Clarissa said...

el: the only goal of such a small child is to be accepted by adults. She cries only because she perceives that her Mommy is unhappy with her. Everything else about the child's unhappiness with masturbation is only a product of a mother's diseased imagination.

Normal people do not observe their relatives masturbating.

Anonymous said...

el, if you read the crazy mama's blog, you will see that the little girl is experiencing problems passing stool which is what causes the actual discomfort. I think it is commonly known that sexual trauma leads to such issues. I can only imagine how confused and frustrated the child is when her mother hawks over her and tries to control the most natural behavior.

Also, is the girl crying because of the reoccurring "urge" or because she feels she does something wrong in her mother's eyes? Something tells me the latter might be the problem. In any case, as a child grows s/he learns to deal with his or her urges on his/her own. Blogging about it, constantly observing her, dragging the kid to all kinds of "doctors" and medicating her is hardly going to help the situation.


Anonymous said...

Obviously none of you are parents and do not understand that this isn't a problem passing stool, and its a very serious condition. many children who have this have been miss diagnosed with epilepsy. It looks like the children are having seizures. And excuse me but my child has this disorder and the more you play with them and keep them occupied the less they do it. So maybe all of you who are bashing this women for writing about her child should take a second and think about how these parents feel. My daughter had to go through many scary tests at 9 months old, they did a ct scan, a spinal tap, blood work, an eeg, plus many more tests. Also all these people are trying to do is get some information about the disorder because there is no information out there about it. As a parent of a child with this disorder it is very upsetting to see her doing this everyday all day. It is taking over her life!!!

So all of you uninformed, ignorant people should get a life also!!!! Especially you Clarissa!!!! You talk about people not having lives other than hawking over their children, obviously you don't have a life cause apparently you just read other peoples blogs online all day and make blogs about them!!!! SO GROW UP AND GET A LIFE YOURSELF!!!!!

Clarissa said...

No, buddy, her sexuality is taking over your life. Because it is very obvious that you have no healthy outlet for your own. I feel extremely sorry for that poor, miserable child of yours.

Anonymous said...

I can understand where people would think that you should just let the child be, however when your child is only 9, 10, 11 months old, you can't just turn your back.

My child will lay on the floor with her hands clasped at her mouth, her ankles locked around each other, and rock back and forth. She will be sweating, and usualy crying (with tears). Her poops will be very hard pellets (sign of constipation) or she will not have gone poop for a day or two.

Mother's first thought is there is something wrong with her right? After all, how can it be that what she is doing is referred to as gratification? She looks like she is in pain and the crying produces tears.... when she can break she runs to me to hold her.

Seems like on the day's she doesn't do it at all, she has 2 to 3 bowel movements, soft at that, and on the days she does do it - all day long - she can't poop or it's super hard. So yes, you automaticaly think - poopy problems....

When tests have been done and gratification has been diagnosed, you try to ignore, let her be, but she acts so miserable....

I don't think you can comment on what a mother should, would or could do unless your a mother. As a mother of a child who does this, I am crying now because it's people like those who are attacking this mother,that we mothers are afraid of. How do you think these children are going to be looked at when they are 4 or 5 in the eyes of adults and other mean children.... That is our fear and why we wish something could be done. BELIEVE ME - if I truely thought my daughter was enjoying it, I would leave her alone.

Anonymous said...

"I wonder, if there is an addiction to sex, is there also an addiction to breathing? Which is just as normal of an activity."

I agree that sex is just as normal as breathing. However, there is one BIG difference between sex and breathing. You can survive without sex (though some people may feel otherwise), you canNOT survive without breathing.

Of the 11 body systems, (Muscular, Urinary, Respiratory, Digestive, Endocrine, Reproductive, Skeletal, Integumentary, Nervous, Cardiovascular and Lymphatic) the only one the human body can maintain (its own) life without is the reproductive system. If any of the other ten aren't working properly, the human's life ends.

Want proof of this? Try to hold your breath for ten minutes straight. Even if you manage to hold your breath till you pass out, your body will take over and force you to breathe once you lose consciousness. Then go without sex (of any kind) or masturbation for ten minutes straight. Your body will not spontaneously cause you to self-gratify after losing consciousness.